Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Mrs Fix It..At Your Service

I'm a fixer.

Or I try to be.  It's what I do.

I'm the type of person that if there is a problem, let's solve it.  If there is something that needs to be done, let's do it.  A project that needs to be completed? Let's finish it.  A report that needs to be written?  Let's get on it. Let's stop analyzing it. Stop talking about it.  Let's just get it done. And move on to the next thing. Because there is always a "next" thing.

Got a situation? Fix it.  Move on. 

Yep, that's me. I'm a fixer. 

At my daughter's college orientation, I first heard the term "Helicopter Parent". You know, the type of parent that hovers over their children..always ready to swoop in and save the day if there was the slightest inkling of a problem.  "Pssshh, who would do that? That's definitely not me", I thought.  Until, that is, I looked over at my daughter who had her lips poked out and was knowingly nodding like she knew exactly what the professor was talking about. "Whatever", I thought, "I'm always gonna do whatever I can to help my babies.  I don't care what these so called "experts" say."  I'm a bit stubborn that way. 

If there is a problem that needs to be solved...I'm gonna handle it.  Period.

Sometimes, however, we are reminded that there are some things we just can't "fix".  There are moments in our lives where we are just not in control.  We can't solve the problem at hand...we can't make right the wrongs of the moment.  There are those moments where we or those we love are in a battle that we can't win for them. 

For the record, I do not like those moments.

I like to make things better for those I love.  I like to "fix" things for them.  "There you go, love, I made it all better for you. No stress.  Don't worry, be happy."  Problem solved. 

A week ago today, I was reminded quite boldly that I am not always in control.  There are things that I encounter in this journey of life that I just cannot fix.  There are times when the only thing I can do is drop to my knees and beg the Father to intercede on my or my loved ones behalf...

Wednesday, January 22nd was destined to be a glorious day.  Went to work at 5am as usual. But watched the clock closely begging time to fly by so 10am would hurry and arrive.  At 10am I was headed to the hospital along with other family and loved ones to welcome in to the world our 2nd grandson.  I was beyond excited.  All went well as they prepped my beautiful daughter for the scheduled c-section.  Those in attendance started a pool of what our newest blessing would weigh and how long he would be.  The smiles and laughs of those there told of the happiness in the air.  Today is the day!  He's coming!  You couldn't have smacked the smile off my face.  

Me with Big Brother Kaden!
We prayed with my daughter and son in law before they went back into surgery.  Hugs were given and the "we'll see you soons" were said. They wheeled her back as the excited new Dad followed and the rest of us went to the waiting room to await the news of his arrival.

I'll stop here to explain that I do not like surgery.  Of any kind.  I worry a bit more than most when it comes to surgeries or medical procedures of any kind.  I lost one of my very best friends after a "routine" surgery almost 6 years ago.  Since then, I have an innate fear of any type of surgery.  So the fact that my one and only biological daughter was having major surgery was not lost on me.  There is always that fear. 

30 minutes passed with no word.  They said the surgery would take about an hour so that was okay. 

Then my husbands' phone rang.

I heard him talking to someone and then he hung up.  His eyes closed and his head fell to his chest. "Who was that?", I asked him.  "John", he answered slowly.  My heart leaped to my throat.  John is our son in law....who was currently supposed to be in the operating room with Kirsten, our daughter.  "What?...Why?...What's wrong?", I stammered.  Heart beat racing...blood pressure rising...I was ready to race into that OR and get my baby.  "Is there a problem?"  "He's upset", he said, "They sent him out of the room. He told us to be praying. He said they may have to put her completely under." 

Oh, precious Jesus, no.

Here was one of those moments.  My mind is racing.  What can I do?  Fix it. Think, think! My baby cannot be in there alone.  I'm okay as long as John is in there with her.  He has proven time and time again his love for her.  But she absolutely CANNOT be in there alone.  Nope, that is definitely not okay.  That can't happen.  Think, Valerie, think.  What can you do? How can you fix this? There has to be a way. There has to be something you can do!

After only a few seconds, I came to the realization that there was only one thing that I could do. Pray. Just like John had asked us to do. Pray. Intercede on her behalf.  Give it to the Father.  As I sat in that waiting room chair, I prayed...and prayed...and prayed. "Touch her Lord.  Guide the doctors and nurses.  Comfort her that she is never alone. Oh, Father God, please let my baby girl and her baby boy be okay."

A few moments (that seemed like a lifetime) later several of us in the waiting room received a group words...just one photo:

Be still my heart. 
There he is.  My second grandson.  He's here. Seeing the photo took my breath.  The tears immediately started flowing.  He's beautiful.  I was so immediately grateful for this gorgeous newest blessing to our family.

Ok, now, how's Kirsten?  I need a word.  I need someone to tell me how she is.  Is she okay?  Hello?  Anyone?  I'm freaking out here.  Is the problem fixed?  Situation resolved?  HELLO!!??!! Is my baby girl okay?

"She's good."  was the reply received when Mark sent a text to John and asked how she was.

My eyes closed.  Tears still flowing. Exhale, Valerie.  Deep breaths. "Thank you, Lord."

Once again, my prayers had been answered.  Once again, my Father had answered my pleas.  My baby girl was okay.  And I had a beautiful new grandson.  Another blessing to add to the many blessings I already had.

I felt so silly. I had worried, again.  I was anxious, again.  I had first looked into what I could do to solve the problem at hand instead of trusting and going first to the One I KNOW can solve all our problems if we would only ask.  Silly, silly girl. Will you ever learn??

When will I learn that I don't have to always be Mrs Fix It? I couldn't fix this problem alone. This problem couldn't be solved by Val. Nothing you could do here, sista. Oh how much easier my life would be if I learned to fully rely on Him instead of trying to fix everything myself. Lesson learned, Lord.  I hear You.

It was just a few moments later that I learned..the battle wasn't over. In fact, this battle had only just begun. There was more to come. We would need to continue to walk by faith. To look past the things that could be seen with our eyes and heard with our ears. We would have no choice but to continue to look to Him who's plan is put our faith and trust in the One who loves us all much more than we could ever love ourselves or each other. We would have to believe in the One who has never failed us before. The One who has pulled us from the miry clay and stood us on the Rock in so many battles before this one....

We had no other choice but to do all these things..because we couldn't solve this newest situation either. This was also not going to be something that we could just fix and move on....

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